The reason that every major university maintains a department of
mathematics is that it's cheaper than institutionalizing all those
people.


A student saw his math professor in the hall.  He asked him,
"Have you had lunch yet?"  The professor thought for a moment
and asked, "In which direction was I walking when you stopped
me?"


A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street
cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other 
side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a
while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: 
"The measurement wasn't accurate."  The Biologists conclusion: "They 
have reproduced."  The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters 
the house then it will be empty again."


A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative
merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife
and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of
security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The mathematician says: "You're both wrong.  It's best to have both so
that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress, and the mistress
thinks you're with your wife --- you can do some mathematics."


An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist went to the races one
Saturday and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the
race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. 
I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical
advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."

The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual
variations into account.  I did a statistical analysis of their previous
performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of
winning..."

"...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer.  But
before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe 
and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet.  Obviously here 
was a man who knows something about horses.  They both demanded to 
know his secret.

"Well," he says, between puffs on the pipe, "first I assumed all the
horses were identical and spherical..."